I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
