I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
