After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize