I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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