Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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