Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
