Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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