You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
