if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
