bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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