I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
