Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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