Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
