She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
