I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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