This beer is not sobering me up at all
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
