some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
40s are totally the cure
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
