You made me cry and you don't even care
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
