Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
