I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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