so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
