Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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