Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
