The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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