she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
