I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
