I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
