I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize