Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
