A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
