I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
