even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize