Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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