Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize