I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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