I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Terrible idea I love it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
