some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize