and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize