return my video game
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She needs sedatives and a leash
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
