OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
