I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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