Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
