...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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