everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
