I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
