chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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