I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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