we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
so much tequila, so little girl.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize