is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
