Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
