I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
