it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
