WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
