I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
