Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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