RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize