i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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