Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
