i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
