im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
