I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
