Do you still have your period?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The adults are the big ones right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
