Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize