Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
someone owes me an orgasm
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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