Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
