Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
