Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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