I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Randomize
