Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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