aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize