you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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