piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
