ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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