I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
