Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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