How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
