I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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