My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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