The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
