So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
