Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
