Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
