I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's get the cat blown out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
