Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
