man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
