Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
