ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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