Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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