She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize