What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
