You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
this hospital has no fireball
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
