So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
