Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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