I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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