New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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