The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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