I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
