how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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