Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
