I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
