Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
