Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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