If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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